


it's you, that i lie with

by corporate_hotline



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Growing Up, Light Angst, M/M, Ronan Lynch Has Feelings, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch-centric, i dont know how to tag this sry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25742746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corporate_hotline/pseuds/corporate_hotline
Summary: ronan lynch had grown used to being lonely. he had grown used to being surrounded by people who cared for him and whom he cared for in return, but still feeling like he was the only person in the room.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	it's you, that i lie with

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "as the world caves in" by matt maltese. does it relate? kind of, but also not really, i just needed a title.
> 
> !!!! i am warning you now that i describe how niall lynch dies very briefly. it is semi-graphic, but it is no worse than the canon text, so i did not tag it. take care of yourselves!!!!
> 
> i love ronan very much, and i relate to him more than i like to admit. this is my take on his character. let it be known that it's been a while since i read the books, so my memory of the timeline is hazy. if there are any glaring mistakes, let me know. also let it be known that this was written, edited, and uploaded in the span of three hours. if there are any mistakes in general, let me know.
> 
> enjoy!

Ronan Lynch had grown used to being lonely.

It was not, as one might expect, because of his childhood. Growing up at the Barns was the epitome of the Perfect American Childhood. He had brothers that he loved to play with and expend some energy. He had a doting mother that stayed home with her boys and made them all feel safe. He had a slightly absent father, sure, but not enough for it to be neglectful. They all gathered for family dinners every weekday and Mass every Sunday. The cows were always tended to, the garden was always flourishing. They had enough money to keep them comfortable, and they never had to worry. His boyhood was spent in a warm golden haze, happy to stay within the Barns’ limits.

Ronan began attending Aglionby Academy when he was 14, going on 15. His relationship with Declan was as tense as you might expect a relationship to be between brothers so close in age. They loved each other unwaveringly, and they fought daily. Matthew was still in middle school, and he was still as dumbfoundingly joyful as he was when he was a toddler. Niall’s business was prospering, and he spent less and less time at home. Aurora was simply happy to see her boys growing to be such fine young men. Ronan was not the most sociable of students. He was not cold towards anyone, but he didn’t really put forth an effort to be friends with them. He joined the tennis team and made some acquaintances, sure. But his first real friend in high school came in the form of Richard Campbell Gansey III. They bonded quickly over who-knows-what, and Ronan got roped into his quest for Glendower. Ronan’s little bubble of his family had finally expanded to include one more. He was happy.

That bubble burst when Niall Lynch was murdered. When Ronan discovered his idolized father’s brains splattered across the driveway, blood dripping from the wheels of his coveted BMW. When lovely Aurora fell asleep, leaving her boys all alone.

Ronan had to leave the Barns. Not only because of the damn will, but because he couldn’t stand to be there anymore. His childhood was over at the ripe age of 15. He shaved his head and found a tattoo artist that could easily be bribed to work on a minor. He quit tennis. He stopped attending most of his classes. He stopped answering Declan’s calls, because who made him the fucking boss, damn it all to hell, Niall’s dead. He stopped being a child.

Ronan moved into Monmouth Manufacturing, not even once entertaining the idea of living in the dorms. As soon as he got his license, he took the BMW, not even once considering buying his own car. He continued to hang out with Gansey, but he couldn’t stand the look in his eyes. The look of pity and concern. Gansey was far too fond of him. Ronan wasn’t the same person he was when they became friends, doesn’t he understand that? Gansey should learn not to care so much; it would only hurt him in the end.

Ronan spent more and more time out of Monmouth; if he  _ was _ at Monmouth, he was doing stupid shit with Noah, avoiding Gansey when he could. Ronan spent more and more time on the road. He came across Kavinsky, and learned that he found the thrill of street racing far more enticing than the thrill of sleeping Welsh kings. Ronan slept less and dreamt even lesser, only allowing himself to go so deep. He dreamt himself a fake ID. He went to church every Sunday. He drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol. He was the top of his class in Latin. He drove dangerously fast. 

He didn’t like to feel anymore. He enjoyed his numb solitude. 

Ronan woke up one day in a hospital with bandages on his wrists. The doctors said it was attempted suicide; Ronan was too good of a Catholic for that. The truth was that he was not very good at being numb. Try as he might, his dreams knew him better than that. And his dreams had finally caught up to him.

After that, Ronan drew away from other people even further than he already had. He was more careful. He purchased five thick leather bands to avoid the questions. He spent enough time at Monmouth to keep Gansey off his back, only going to find Kavinsky when Gansey was thoroughly satisfied with his Ronan-time. He drank less, but more purposefully. He raced less, but faster. It was a better balance. He was comfortably alone, content with his new bubble of one.

Enter: Adam Parrish

Adam, unlike Gansey or Noah or literally anyone else important, had not known Ronan before. Adam had no concept of a happy-go-lucky, tennis playing, curly-haired Ronan Lynch. It was a refreshing change for Ronan, not having someone constantly expecting him to get better, to _be_ better. The rest didn’t understand that this may have been as “better” as Ronan was going to get.

No, Adam never looked at him with pity. He didn’t have the energy to spare on feeling bad for Ronan Lynch. He didn’t have the energy to spare on even being  _ nice _ to Ronan. When Ronan pushed, Adam shoved. When Ronan sassed, Adam sassed back. When Ronan was an asshole, Adam called him out.

Really, how could anyone have expected Ronan  _ not _ to fall for him?

It wasn’t so much that Ronan let him in. He was still in his bubble for one, still withdrawn from everyone else. It was more that he could sense that Adam was in a solitary bubble, too. Adam was not like Gansey; he wasn’t overly friendly in that practiced politician manner. Adam was pure Southern charm, with a lilting accent that he tried to hide and impeccable manners that he never let drop. Adam was also damaged. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where the bruises came from, why he was so careful around people, why he flinched ever so slightly when the Aglionby boys cuffed him on the back of his neck. But Adam didn’t complain, didn’t mention a plan of escape, didn’t talk about it at all.

Ronan’s affections towards him grew more significant against his better judgment. Even when Adam was a real dick, when he was angry and tired and “not in the mood for your shit, Ronan,” Ronan was undeniably attracted to him. Even when Adam asked out Blue, and she joined their little gang. Even when Adam sacrificed himself to a magical fucking forest without thinking of any of the consequences. 

Ronan could feel his carefully-crafted, concrete walls slowly crumbling down under Adam Parrish’s gaze. 

Junior year at Aglionby was awful. The summer was worse. He stopped racing pretty much altogether when Kavinsky died. He listened to Declan for once and stopped being so reckless, for Matthew’s sake. He talked with Aurora and soaked up every second of her time when he was there. He accepted Sargent the best he could; he would never say it out loud, but he actually sort of liked her. He went through the motions with Glendower, he put up with what he had to, he was as honest as he could be.

He helped Adam with Greenmantle. He let himself die in front of Adam on the altar at St. Agnes. He slept in Adam’s apartment and brought Adam to the Barns. He let Adam in.

Ronan couldn’t precisely explain what it was about Adam that was different. Why it was so much easier to be vulnerable with him when Adam wasn’t even  _ trying _ , for Christ’s sake, Gansey had been trying so hard this whole time. But it was, it was easier, and his attraction grew into a crush, grew into an infatuation, grew into what Ronan could only call  _ love _ . 

He loved Adam, and Adam didn’t even try.

Ronan was never good at subtlety. He can’t exactly say he’s surprised when Adam picks up on his feelings. Ronan doesn’t lie, after all. But that doesn’t mean that Ronan has to  _ do _ anything about it. He can continue to live his life of pining. There was no need to rush Adam into something he doesn’t want. There was no need to break the fragile, platonic peace between them.

At least, there was no need until the world somehow felt like it was catapulting towards an ending, until the Glendower shit had gotten really out of hand and Ronan wasn’t quite sure how it was going to end but he probably wasn’t going to like it, until Adam was sitting on his childhood bed looking  _ so damn kissable _ . So Ronan kissed him. And Adam kissed him back. 

He started off his 18th year more pleasantly than he anticipated. Adam’s lips were soft and warm, and his hands were hungry and desperate. Adam touched Ronan’s tattoo with more deliberate care than Ronan thought possible. Adam whispered, “ _ Unguibus et rostro _ ,” and Ronan’s heart nearly beat out of his chest, and nothing else mattered. 

Ronan Lynch had grown used to being lonely. He had grown used to being surrounded by people who cared for him and whom he cared for in return, but still feeling like he was the only person in the room. He had grown used to a life that was not loveless but had oftentimes felt like it was.

Now, with Adam, Ronan has grown out of that. With Adam, Ronan can wake up every morning in the arms of a boy who knows him and loves him. With Adam, Ronan can accept that love that people had been offering him all this time. Ronan can ask for affection and receive it, Ronan can offer affection and have it be received. Ronan has grown dependent on other people again, in the best way possible.

Although it must be said, it’s not without difficulty. Ronan has a lot of trauma to work through. Adam does as well. They both spent what should have been their final years of golden youth in a dark, cold place. But they were working on it. Ronan loved Adam completely before he had even known what it was like to kiss him. And Adam worked to love Ronan back, just as completely. Nothing was easy. Nothing could bring back the Ronan from his youth. Nothing could undo the years of hurt they had both suffered through.

But Ronan Lynch was never lonely anymore. How could he possibly feel lonely, with Adam Parrish loving him?

**Author's Note:**

> this was rlly all about ronan huh. oh well. his character deserves some exploration. i hope i did him justice. 
> 
> let me know what you thought of this pleaseeeeeee. i am working on something else, a bit more ~experimental~, but if yall don't vibe with that i can go back to what i had been writing previously. 
> 
> kudos and comments, im begging u, validate me. i want to make yall happy, lmk if i am succeeding. drop any suggestions for what i should do next :D
> 
> find me on tumblr @ corporate-hotline !! idk how to link things on ao3 nor do i know how to use tumblr plz teach me :P


End file.
